Creating confidence from within

By Nishe, Work It Out Coach • 17 January 2022

Nishe, one of our Work It Out coaches, has shared some advice on how to build confidence from within. In this blog, she explains 1 simple exercise that can help you to make gradual changes to conquer your confidence challenges.

Wouldn’t it be amazing if you could wave a magic wand and be confident? Feel incredibly comfortable in a range of situations? Be happy to share your thoughts and ideas with whoever you are with?

This may feel like a dream scenario. But with some focus and a commitment to making small changes, it is possible to take a big step toward being confident in way that is right for you.

The Little Experiments exercise

If you would like to start working on your confidence then a great place to start is trying the Little Experiments exercise. It is a simple idea that I have seen work for lots of different people, including me.

Little Experiments involves coming up with an approach to help you think or behave in a slightly different way.  This is not about making a great leap, but more a steady gradual change, one that feels comfortable every step of the way.

There are 3 steps to this exercise and all you need is something to make notes on.

Step 1: Creating the experiment

Think about a time recently when you wanted to feel more confident. Then, note down what you were

  • Thinking
  • Feeling
  • Doing

Now it is time to think of some solutions that would help you feel more confident in this situation, if it were to arise again. Look at the questions below and note down your answers.

  • What do you specifically want to change about this moment?
  • If things were the way you wanted them to be, what would this moment look like?
  • What can you do differently that feels possible and within your reach?

Take a look at what you have written down, these answers have formed your experiment.

Here is an example:

When I was struggling to share my thoughts in meetings with my team, there would be this tightening tension in my shoulders and my stomach felt like it was dropping away.  I worried that I would stumble over my words and no one would understand what I was saying.  So, I just stayed quiet and tried not to make eye contact with my manager.

If I could work on one thing in this moment, I would like to be able to say my words clearly and concisely.

One thing I could do differently is to set a steady rhythm in my head, I could then try to match it as I speak. I could also try taking a drink into meetings, so I can take a sip before speaking to help me focus.

Step 2: Getting started

Once you have reflected on a particular confidence challenge, it is time to choose a situation where this challenge might arise. Once you have chosen a potential time to test, give your experiment a try. Make sure to check in with yourself before you start, if it feels like the right moment go for it!

Once you have completed your experiment:

  • Take time to celebrate what you just did.  It does not matter what the outcome was, you had a go and that deserves some recognition.
  • Reflect and identify what worked and what did not. keep the elements that worked and adjust or change what did not.
  • Be kind to yourself.  It is an experiment they do not always go to plan, but there is usually something we can learn from them.

Step 3: What next?

Test out your experiment again until you find the approach that is right for you.  Everyone is different so what works for one person may or may not work for another.  It is okay for you to check in with others to see if they can help you come up with ideas. But just remember, this is your journey so make it your own where you can.

If this process works for you and you are starting to conquer your confidence challenges, then make sure to use the Little Experiments process again.

We have a whole host of webinars coming up that will help you build confidence, find motivation and budget your money. They are free to attend for any woman aged 18 to 30 who lives in England or Wales. 

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